I was sitting in an office, probably reading some news article online, wishing the the last hour at work would go faster (as always). I was most definitely dieting and I was not happy about my life.
I had a just few months before moved to a new house that had its own garden and I was so looking forward to growing my own vegetables that summer!
My boyfriend had just been fired from his job so he was going through a lot, which made my life twice as hard because yet again I was paying for everything and I was not allowed to have break because I was (and always am) the backbone of our weird little family.
The house we had moved into turned out to be the ultimate craphole. The shower did not work properly and soon after moving in we found out that the pluming in the upstairs bathroom was totally crooked and leaked water down to our kitchen. The lights in our living room stopped working and the electrician who came to fix this said the wires had been pulled completely wrong and could lead to a fire which insurance would not cover as it was now a known problem.
We were also instructed by a lovely gas inspector that our boiler was on it's last leg and some pipe outside of the building had to be fixed as soon as possible or there would be fines... by now you can see a pattern.
Oh yeah, and in the bedroom there was a loose floorboard that was a total death trap...
What made things worse was the landlord could not really care less. Well I mean yes, she actually "cared"... When the extractor fan (YES THE MASSIVE THING IN KITCHEN ON TOP OF YOUR HOB) fell down and smashed our dinner in million pieces she was kind to pay for the new crockery (woot £25!) but she completely ignored the pictures I sent of myself being at the A&E getting myself stitched up. She was all nice at first also when we told her that the leak from the bathroom was creating massive water damage in the house. But when we told her that SHE would have to organize it fixed she turned into a massive BITCH straight from the fires of the same place where some other arseholes that I have met in my life will hopefully be spending their eternity.
I was really looking forward to my luxury holiday in Cyprus in the beginning of May (which was great by the way) and in general life was not too bad. I didn't have many friends (who does in London?!) and my work was very boring. But besides this, my life was OK. But for me OK has never been enough...
Little did I know that there were major changes just around the corner.
In June the whole process of moving to Switzerland started. I given a job offer which I simply could not turn down. I became a manager in a company with a salary package 3 times more than what I was earning before. The company flew me over, gave me money for the move and it was like winning a lottery at 1st.
The work turned out to be a lot more as well however.
BUT before I start moaning let me tell you about some great things that has happened to me in a year.
1. I have made not one but two great friends that I know will be with me for the rest of my life. A girl needs 2 other girls and I have found them, I am so blessed and these ones I will stick to no matter what. Even if I have to spend my whole pension to come visit them when I am old and gray, I will do it without questions asked!
2. Sheisse! Yes, this word is the BEST word to shout out loud when things don't quite go as you plan. It's not quite like "SHIT" which stops so abruptly, "SHEISSE" has more meaning to it and fits my mouth better... (NO NOT LITERALLY, YOU CHILD!)
3. Money!
4. Fresh air and old forests
5. Quality of living (no leaking bathrooms or weird electricity wiring)
I also went to the mountains now couple of times and my boyfriend can vouch for this, I turn into a little child when I see the mountains. I can't quite still believe how breathtakingly beautiful they are. Also.. who doesn't love the cobblestone streets and quaint little cafes that all have a terrace where you can stop and watch the world go by. Forget about Starbucks, these guys really know how to make a coffee (or Caffe Macchiatto which I always have).
So, now you may wonder why the post is called "OMG I AM MOVING BACK TO LONDON" if Switzerland is so awesome.
Well, besides the 1st point on my list above, all these things are irrelevant for my happiness (or so it seems right now).
While I have been living here, I have come to learn a few things about myself. Like for example the fact that I REALLY don't like working on my own and for this reason I actually don't really like running a payroll. Yes I have a fancy title of "EMEA PAYROLL MANAGER" but I don't seem like a typical manager. I am the janitor and signatory at the same time - I.do.everything.myself. When you work on your own, you don't take holidays and you most definately never have sick days.
The laptop and the phone will be with me where ever I go. If it is Christmas, I am most likely sitting in front of my laptop checking some year end payments. If it is Easter I am going through holiday allowances for the new holiday year... If it is a normal Monday morning and I have a migraine I am laying in bed, squinting my eyes, trying to read an email regardless how much pain in brings me.
I was working on my own on my previous role and I am working alone in my current role. Only difference is that in my old job I got paid a lot less and I only processed four different countries. In my current role I process 14 countries and babysit about 50 managing directors.
Before I started here, my role was split between two people... No idea what kind of a super human I was expected to be to run everything (and at the same time implement new processes) on my own.
SO, long story short. I quit a month ago. I am now working off my notice period and the last official date of my work is the 30th of May. I haven't even started to look for work because I feel that I want to find the thing I want to do.
Regardless of all the crazy stuff that has happened, I can say one thing for sure which has happened to me in the past year.
I have become a much happier person. Yes, I stress over my work a lot and there have been times I have sat home crying because the work gets too much but that is the only time I have cried. No more laying in bed, feeling sorry for myself and feeling my life was not going anywhere. For the longest of times (from age 25 to 31) I really did not know who I was and I let the world affect me in every possible way. I felt I was never enough, I was fat, I was ugly, I was boring and no one wanted to be my friend. I was very depressed and I should have talked to someone about it. I remember sometimes looking up the easiest ways to kill myself (not kidding) but I never got to actually trying anything. My manic phases would always kick in and safe me just on time. Now looking back I shake my head and think how foolish I was. Foolish. Alone. Sick. Clueless.
Now I hope I never go back to this.
I have to remember that life is not a punishment. If there is something I don't like doing, I can stop and do something else. No one is forcing me to live a life I hate. I choose to do it. SO, until I find the thing I love, I will change constantly, but at least I am looking and not sticking to the 2nd best, right?
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