I could be pretty? Nonsense!

Something random happened to me yesterday.

I mean, it probably is everyday life for some but for me it was once in a lifetime thing.

It was coming 6pm and I was walking home from the bus stop. I was wearing my pink summer dress even though it had been a rainy and miserable day. My hair was frizzy from the moist air and since I had been at work all day my face probably showed some signs of tiredness and make up not being what it is at 8am when you leave the house.

Basically what I am trying to say is that I didn’t look anything special. I looked like the average, slightly overweight 30 something woman getting ready to just get home and crash to bed for the rest of the night.

So as I was walking down the road, minding my own business a guy with a motorbike pulls next to me and basically jumps in front of me and asks if he can ask me something. Naturally I was like “sure” because I thought he was lost and I usually can provide assistance since it was my home neighborhood. Instead he goes “can I take you out for a drink?”.

I was not prepared for that. I did not know what the guy looked like since he was wearing his helmet still, I am living with a great guy (and we actually have our 3 year anniversary TODAY) and in general I don’t go out with strange guys anymore, maybe if I was 18 I would have said yes (I definitely would have said yes!) but not anymore. SO, I said no, I am actually seeing someone (well done me!). The guy looked at me and said “oh but you don’t even know who you are talking to” and takes off his helmet and the weird hoodie thingy you wear when you ride a motorbike and my god he should not have done that… this guy was really good looking. He was tanned, fit, stubble, cute eyes… He probably saw my pupils widen and said that he would just like to give me a call and in the moment of weird confusion I gave him my phone number (STUPID!). He drove off waving his hand and I was left walking home completely stumped.

So I told all my friends and even my boyfriend what had happened because well why not? I had not done anything wrong and I was not planning to actually see this guy again. But the thing that really made me think was how lowly I think of myself.

My 1^st thought was that it was a joke, someone had dared him to do that. My 2^nd thought was that he was a freeloader finding vulnerable 30 something women who are desperate to find a man (trust me, there are lots 30 something women who just want ANY man and have kids) and only 3^rd came that maybe he actually had really poor taste in women and for some reason thought I was pretty enough to stop and talk to me. Even now writing that down makes me think that surely that was not the case, I am nothing special.

Like don’t get me wrong… I am awesome. I am a really funny and caring person. I watch ice hockey and play computer games so that officially puts me into the “awesome girlfriend’ category. If my personality was shining from my face, then surely I would understand all the guys always pulling over and asking me out, but that’s not the case – all they see is my thunder thighs and hair that needs color and cutting and has done so for the past 6 months.

So this got me thinking… who would you stop on the street for and ask out? Well providing any of us would actually have such confidence. Is it just the looks or is there something else that makes you think that the person is worth getting to know? I do think that sometimes I see good looking people that are just not that interesting and I would not have anything in common with them, and then sometimes I see people who truly look interesting and not necessary even the stereotypically good looking that we see in the magazines. My low self-esteem doesn’t seem to think I look either good or interesting though, so I don’t know what is up with that and how that could be improved.

All my friends told me that I am being silly and that I should not put myself down thinking so lowly of myself. They said that I definitely have it in me to turn heads on the street and that I was very attractive woman. I just don’t see it. I can’t see past my fat tummy, lazy eye and my double chin. In a way that makes me shallow just like someone who is obsessed with these things make them shallow (so even more of a reason why no one should pay attention to me).

Conclusion: It did make me feel special that someone would actually stop on the street and ask me out. The little corner in me that accepts compliments as they are still fights its small patch of ground trying to tell the rest of me that everyone is awesome in their own way and everyone is hot in someone’s eyes regardless of the shape and size. Why the rest of me can’t accept it is a total new continent to explore but for now I will smile and be happy for the rest of the day because I look great in someone’s eyes – even if those eyes aren’t mine.