Well, the summer 2007 I was very lost with myself. I let a friend of mine come live in my flat for few months and I helped him get a job in London as well, and for a little while we got involved a bit with each other. I wasn’t quite sure what it all was but it didn’t end up pretty. I lend him quite a bit of money but in the end I kicked him out because I couldn’t take his behaviour anymore. To be fair, he was going through rough time as well and two nutters under one roof is not a very good combination… BUT I was the one paying the bills so eventually I got fed up with his “leeching”.
During the summer I talked with the American guy a lot that I had met online. We made this insane plan that in the end of the summer I would quit my job in London, sell my stuff and move to US. I felt like it was going to be my escape from my life, which I had learned to hate.
The guy promised me better life and swore to me that he would take care of me no matter what. I sent him some money for the deposit of a flat in Arizona and in the end of August I flew there. I spent 3 months in Arizona which was probably 2 months and 3 weeks too much. I paid for absolutely everything… my credit card got to severe minus and on many occasions I was starving because we didn’t have money for food. I paid his bills from before and used my last pennies to pay our electricity bill so we could at least turn on the lights from time to time. This was sort of fine with me because this guy had told me that he had been taking care of the rent but in the end (when we got the eviction note) it turned out that he hadn’t been paying that either. Apparently all his money went to his car… I was devastated because my visa was running out and I had no choice but to fly back to Europe (I had bought a return ticket). But I had no idea where I was going to go because I had no money what so ever. I asked the guy I was going out with to help me pay for a flight to Finland but he had no money either and he wasn’t asking help from anyone. Eventually I managed to get money from a friend of mine who paid a flight for me to Finland… but that made me very bitter towards that guy I had been going out with. He had promised me so much but had delivered nothing… and he would have let me go homeless when I needed his help the most.
Well, I left all the furniture, electronics and lots of my clothes to Arizona when I flew back because strangely enough I was still living in the dream that I was going to go back there. Now… over year later, the stuff is still in Arizona… probably landfilling somewhere…. £3000 worth of stuff… Bitter bitter feelings…
Well, I got back to Finland that November and managed to get a job for the Christmas season in a department store. During the 6 weeks I was in Finland I did a lot of soul searching and decided to come back to London eventually. I needed a job that would help me pay back my debt and so the 2008 started.
2008 was not my year at all and if I am completely honest, I wish I could just wipe that year from my life. I didn’t do anything for myself … I devoted my life to other people, paying loans off and trying to survive. I won’t go to the depressing detail because I simply don’t want to remember all that crap but in a nutshell. I got a job… the company went to liquidation, I lost a lot of money again, I went out with a guy that went to jail, I went to see him every weekend… I broke up with a guy, I fell into depression… I quit my job, I got another job… You know, the usual shit that we have to put up with to be alive.
The only good things 2008 gave me was my sister visiting me and me meeting a nice guy in November… (who now is turning out to be not so nice).
I seriously have to start thinking about myself this year because I can’t live a stupid existence anymore….
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